That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
