So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
