Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you win again, gameday.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
