Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
