I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
