She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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