Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
