I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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