I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
