Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
