I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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