I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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