just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
