he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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