Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
