doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
