Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize