You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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