Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
