do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
