but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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