There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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