I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
