I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
