Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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