I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
