You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
