im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
