Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
