Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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