All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
