Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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