What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
