She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
