alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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