There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize