dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
