Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
