After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
