i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
