I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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