I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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