3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
