no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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