You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
