i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
