can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
