I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
