she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
