dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
