Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
