im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
