So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
