we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize