Pants 0. Shit 1.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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