I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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