If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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