she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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