This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize