You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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