i jhust puked up my retainher.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize