***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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