You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
