32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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