I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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