We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
