I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
