Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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