They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
