I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
