Michael Bay diarrhea
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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