The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found puke in my bra..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize