Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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