I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
