I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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