I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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