cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
